[March 2022 Addendum: Given Yellowstone Bear World’s continued disregard of Law And Order (see Animal Welfare Act 2.131 – Handling of Animals below) ScholarDay is pleased to announced that our more economically-priced, longer-lasting ScholarDay VIP Us Encounter, with all its concomitant zany fun — including but not limited to: bear suit photo-ops; witty conversational encounters; hide-and-seekers that not only hide, but seek back; and guarantee that no one will end up at an exotic meat slaughterhouse — is available again this year!]
Yellowstone Bear World’s VIP Cub Encounter
It has recently come to ScholarDay’s attention that Bear World is bursting into 2021 with another dubious endeavor. They’re calling it the VIP Cub Encounter.
In their official Facebook copy, they say:
In lieu of our annual cub photo fundraiser, Yellowstone Bear World is excited to present our first ever VIP Cub Encounter! This is your only chance to have a private hands-on experience with this season’s adorable bear cubs. Your private group of up to 15 attendees will make unforgettable, once-in-a-lifetime memories during this one hour encounter.
Facebook
When a Concerned Citizen reached out for More Information, YBW informed them in a private message that:
The VIP Cub Encounter is a once-in-a-lifetime, hands-on, memory-making experience that lasts an hour in which you get to interact as much as possible with our cubs. There is no barrier or unnecessary limitations to the interaction for you and up to 14 guests. Pictures are strongly encouraged!
The cost is $1250 plus tax ($1325) for a one hour slot for up to 15 people.
Yellowstone Bear World, private communication
Ask What ScholarDay Can Do For You
If you are one of ScholarDay’s more dedicated readers, you will remember the time that in 2017, Alex and I became Welcome to Bear’s Ears signs. It is with these years of metamorphic experience that ScholarDay approaches the present exciting opportunity.
And so, it is with great joy and tremendous pride that we announce the 2021 Seasonal ScholarDay Metamorphosis: We’ll be the Cubs for you!*
ScholarDay’s 2021 VIP Us Encounter
Let’s look at YBW’s VIP Cub Encounter, so you can see how they don’t stand a chance against ScholarDay’s 2021 VIP Us Encounter, both in terms of value and of fun.
A once-in-a-lifetime, hands-on, memory-making experience
Yes, obviously, bear cubs are cute. That’s why we all sleep with teddy bears well into adulthood. But don’t be drawn in by Bear World’s hyperbolic once-in-a-lifetime talk. Bear World has proven so adept at making bear cubs, that they produce cubs not only for themselves seasonally, but they supply a good chunk of the west’s unaccredited roadside zoos with cubs every year, too.
At ScholarDay, we’re not feeding you the same malarkey that Bear World is. We’re prepared to offer you a real once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Just imagine the breadth and depth of memories that you will gain in the spring of 2021 as you and a whole cluster of your friends or relatives get the opportunity to interact with me and Alex in the beautiful bear suits we will rent, make, or steal, just for you! Truly, a now-or-never chance you won’t want to miss!
That lasts an hour in which you get to interact as much as possible with our cubs
I don’t know how much experience you have had with bear cubs, so maybe you don’t know what to expect. They are cute, yes, but they don’t do all that much. Climb, run, cry for their mothers, get traumatized, and not much else. You will probably find yourself bored 17 or so minutes into your encounter, and then what?
Alex and I can do all that the bear cubs can, and so much more! We can promise what the cubs can’t. We’ll keep you engaged throughout your hour-long encounter with us.
Here’s a non-exhaustive list of the interactions you can expect from us during your ScholarDay VIP Us Encounter:
- Running
- Climbing
- Crying for our mothers
- Getting traumatized
- Talking about the weather
- Telling you jokes
- Telling you secrets
- Feats of strength
- Making you sandwiches (sandwich ingredients not provided)
There is no barrier or unnecessary limitations to the interaction
This promise from Bear World sounds so much better than it is. Again, bear cubs only do so much.
After you pet them, pull on their ears, try to see if your children can ride them like a pig or a small horse, shout at them to look at the camera, put them on your shoulder and act like a Yellowstone Pirate, toss them to the other dad in the group as your wives shake their heads and think some form of boys will be boys, and finally run around them pretending to play tag but really just accidentally kicking them multiple times as everyone but the cub cries out in joy, there’s not much else to be done.
The ScholarDay VIP Encounter promises all that, and so much more. After all, we can shout back, chase back, shake our heads back, pull your ears, ride you like pigs or small horses, shout at you to look at the camera, and put you on our shoulders, and we’ll be the pirates.
And we’ll throw in for free the peace of mind knowing that after our encounter, there will be zero, that’s right ZERO, chance that Alex and I will end up in an exotic meat slaughterhouse or as part of a canned hunt ranch. What a deal!
Why settle for just the Bear World tit, when we at ScholarDay will throw in the tat for free!
For you and up to 14 guests
Everyone knows that bear cubs are weak constitutioned. They need privacy and (and this is the really silly part) are actually protected by law** from being placed in situations that can be considered traumatic. Luckily for you, Alex and I are very strong constitutioned. Not only do we eschew privacy, but there are no laws protecting us from the bustle of crowds.
And so, we offer a special promotional deal of UP TO 17 PEOPLE in our no-holds-barred encounter. 17 is not only more than 15, but it’s also a prime number, and is therefore much more memorable, for your memories.
Pictures are strongly encouraged!
Not only do we encourage pictures, but even video, slow-mo, and photo bursts are strongly encouraged.
The cost is $1250 plus tax ($1325) for a one hour slot for up to 15 people.
Here’s the kicker. Bear World’s offer factors down to a little over $22 dollars a minute. We’re prepared to not only save you money, but offer a beautiful symmetry that Bear World cannot.
Our exciting offer is $17 per minute for up to 17 guests. That’s right! For only $1,020, you and 16 of your closest friends can have the experience of a lifetime.
Don’t be foolish! Save money! Embrace the parity of 17’s all around!
But Wait!
Act now, and we’ll throw in an extra 17 minutes totally free! That’s 77 minutes for just $1,020!
Call now*** and save!
As one final favor to you, the public, we’re extending our timeline from March 28, which is your last chance to harass real-live bear cubs at Yellowstone Bear World, to April 14! That’s right, we’re offering an extra 17 DAYS in which you can get your ScholarDay VIP Us Encounter!
What are you waiting for!!
*Not a real offer. Please don’t call us.
**Animal Welfare Act 2.131 – Handling of Animals:
- 2.131 – Handling of animals
- (c)(1) During public exhibition, any animal must be handled so there is minimal risk of harm to the animal and to the public, with sufficient distance and/or barriers between the animal and the general viewing public so as to assure the safety of animals and the public.
- (3) Young or immature animals shall not be exposed to rough or excessive public handling or exhibited for periods of time which would be detrimental to their health or well-being.
- (d)(1) Animals shall be exhibited only for periods of time and under conditions consistent with their good health and well-being.
***Don’t call, we aren’t gonna dress up for you for money.
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